The Annual Douieb Review

Here we are at the last day of 2011. As some people would say, its been a year of ups and downs. I agree with this. I’ve been up some hills, particularly over August in Edinburgh, and I’ve also been down the same hills in order to get back to where I lived. I’ve been up some escalators and again, down some later otherwise I’d have had to live upstairs in a shopping centre. There have been some good times, like 22.22 which I always find aesthetically pleasing and some bad times like 15 x 276, which is too difficult for me. Personally though I’ve found 2011 a difficult year to decide whether or not it can join my non-existent log of good years – the annums not favourite tyres or blimps. I should point out that I honestly don’t have one of these. Partly because I consider the end of the Edinburgh festival to be my end of year comedy & career wise, but also because I find that in my cynical old age I know full well that it’ll hit midnight and nothing all that dramatic is going to happen. Unless the Mayans were right and 2012 is going to be the end of the world, in which case I’m very glad I’ll embrace it sitting at home with L having a drink, finishing my drawing of a viking rather than being surrounded by mega twats moshing their skin off in an over priced underground ship’s container. And yes, I know the Mayan’s predicted the end of the world will happen in September so really, that’ll be after Edinburgh anyway and technically in my next year.

But let’s board this band wagon and look at why 2011 was indeed one of shits and giggles. In terms of the world, it was proper massive elephant sized dung shit. The economic crisis swept across the Western world allowing several governments including our own, to make horrible cuts and changes that all very much affected the lower classes and not at all the banking pricks and the rich that caused them in the first place. Several ‘evil’ dictators died or were killed while other people have been put in place that those who dictated why the original tyrants should be usurped can more easily sell weapons to. Horrible natural disasters have happened, thousands of people have died unnecessarily and overall we all felt very much more mortal and vulnerable. We became the first generation of people who think their children will have a worse future than they will and that is a truly horrible thought. Though at the same time it may save us having to read them really sickly bedtime stories with happy endings and instead go for Cormac McCarthy’s The Road or repeat viewings of Mad Max to prepare them. We’ve had more and more obnoxious people trawl the internet making nasty comments unnecessarily, generally being shit to each other and all the while instead of preventing or dissuading the public from doing this, the press have proved itself to be far more responsible for such ills than anyone else. Oh and Gil Scott Heron died which was a terrible loss for the world. Then again to balance all this, there was Frozen Planet and that was great.

Personally though, I’ve had a great year. Sad times mean comedy thrives and career wise I haven’t been busier. I’ve gigged in several different countries, to thousands of amazing people, done a bit of telly and more importantly than any of that, I’ve gigged at protests and events I’ve felt were important. I’ve written material and spoken about things I actually give a shit about and get passionate about rather than just harp on about bears. Which to be fair, I’ve also done. I’ve honestly never felt more pride standing up in front of a massive crowd on Westminster Bridge on a sunny afternoon talking to a massive crowd about why we need the NHS. Or way back in March on the big TUC demonstration, doing stand-up hundreds of people while police helicopters rattled over us. Edinburgh was a mixed bag but of all the things that I didn’t expect, the children’s show that was written in three hours and put together in such a ramshackle haste ended up being a 5 star hit and has lead to some very exciting things. Above all this, I’ve met someone who I completely adore, managed to get a car, went to three zoos, found Adventure Time, was a best man for my best friend, found out I can’t snowboard, and last night I pretended to be Guy Garvey and getting the entire room to sing the chorus of ‘One Day Like This’ so I could stop for a second and drink more beer. Music wise I saw James Blake silence a tent of thousands at Bestival, Elbow smash both the O2 and Glastonbury with an amazing reverse Mexican wave at the latter through the entire crowd at the Pyramid Stage. Me and L watched the National sing ‘Vanderlyle Cry Baby’ acapella while the crowd whispered along, sending a chill down everyone’s spines and we both witnessed DJ Shadow perform to incredible visuals from inside the Shadowsphere. I watched Radiohead from a rainy hill while the gorgeous people of the Pink Bus provided shelter and food, peeked into the tent at Lounge on the Farm where Goodnight Lenin played and then decided they would be the opening track to my Edinburgh show. I watched Sam Duckworth do an amazing solo gig at the Borderline club to an awestruck crowd, which, along with previous meetings, led to my Small Guy Garvey show last night. I’ve worked with a puppeteer who was involved with so many films and tv shows I’ve loved, I struggled to hold back tears, clutching L’s hand so tightly while watching Translunar Paradise at the Pleasance Dome and I won the Slammer. So y’know, it’s been pretty good. Oh yeah and I started drawing a viking.

2012 has a lot to live up to. Selfishly, I’m not looking forward to the Olympics and Euro 2012 destroying the comedy scene for several months making bill paying tough. I’m also not looking forward to the effects of the government’s cuts continuing to destroy UK society. I know it’ll be another year where I will be consistently baffled as to how some people can operate by being so horrible and inconsiderate to others. But there’s loads more I am looking forward to, because (and excuse the retchy seriousness) life is always what you make it, and right now I’m enjoying making it fun. I hope the rest of the world realises that we can make stuff happen if you put your minds to it and frankly, we don’t have to stand for the oppression we face. I’m not doing resolutions as such, but aside from cutting down on eating entire bags of Kettle Chips in one sitting (less of a resolution, and more of a ‘trying not to die’ plan) I aim to continue to do what I can to voice my opinion in an accessible way and hope to make a difference as minor as it may be. Oh and I’m totally going to finish the viking drawing.

May you have an excellent night tonight, whether you be brave enough to go against expectation and be out partying, or like me and L, stay in and eat curry. I hope you’ve all had a great 2011 and will have an even better 2012. I hope you make some decisions, chase some exciting dreams and stick to them all and make them all happen. And if you can’t think of any, why not start with a viking drawing?

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The Future Is Not Now

Surely as technology progresses it should become easier and easier to use? Long gone are the days where to use a computer, 14 men had to lug an entire machine into a building only for a scientist type to press 67 buttons, wait seven days and then see that the mechanical beast has only managed to add 2+2 in binary and nothing else. Instead we revel nowadays in our chips the size of atom’s teeth and being able to use computers to do everything from cook our tea to help us fly to the moon. That’s what I’m guessing anyway. Despite liking the idea of most newfangled gadgets I only have a few snazzy type devices including my laptop, a stubborn sat nav, an iPhone and a blu-ray player. The last of these was an extravagance that I never would have bought for myself, but my oh so lovely friends got for me for a birthday a couple of years back.

Since getting it, I have embraced its high quality graphics, often oohing and aaahing ‘how defined it looks’ which is a phrase I say every time I watch a blu-ray disc even if I really can’t tell the difference. It sounds like what you are meant to say and I think that even if I can’t see any difference my experience is enhanced by pretending too. Some films definitely do look better though. I can clarify this by trying to watch ‘Up’ when hung over which was both a terrible experience in terms of emotions – it is not a film to watch when fragile – but also because the colours were far too bright for my wincing eyes. Overall though, it is a lovely thing to have and I spend quite some time carefully choosing what to buy on such a format to get the fullest out of my lovely sleek black Samsung player, squished underneath my unnecessarily oversized TV that I am still paying off 2 years later.

For Christmas, courtesy of L’s amazing parents, I got given Frozen Planet on Blu-Ray, which I was overjoyed about. Finally I could watch polar bears being able too see every hair on their big faces, or see that weird caterpillar that freezes entirely for a year in such definition that I’d get nightmares about it for several years. Instead, as I put the disc excitedly in the player, it didn’t work. Instead of a beautifully picturesque frozen tundra, there was merely a black screen, the sound of an RP voiced woman saying ‘Frozen Planet Disc 1′ and then nothing. Checking each and every disc in the set (there are three) the same thing happened and I was concerned I had a faulty product. A bit of googling revealed far too many whiney people complaining about the Frozen Planet ‘cheated’ footage, a few complaining about Attenborough’s stance on global warming, ironically from people in areas that will die first when the floods hit, and then finally a small blurb that said I should probably update my blu-ray player.

We’re in the future right? Updating my blu-ray player should be easy yeah? Surely it just downloads it from the ether after I press one button? That’s how it all works right? No. Instead attempt one involved me stretching cables across my living room to connect it to our router, in a fashion that looked as though I was trying to set a series of trip wires to confuse the Mission Impossible team. After an hour of it downloading the update the machine then crashed, I tripped on a wire, knocked my Xbox into our Christmas Tree and nearly broke the telly. Attempt two involved copying the update on a CD which was then not accepted as a disc because I’d done it on a mac and Samsung are still angry about how much better the iPhones are than any of their phones nowadays and then finally I managed to borrow L’s laptop, copy a disc on there, load it up and now I can see penguins so clearly that I can definitely say they don’t dance like in Happy Feet.

Two days of effort to watch a disc. Seriously? Is this where we are now? Further developments to defeat cancer, telescopes that can see Earth like planets light years away and yet if I want to watch Frozen Planet on my own telly I have to spend hours and hours nearly breaking other things I own just to enjoy it? This future is shit. I’d love to go back to the 70′s and tell them its no way as cool as they imagined back then, but chances are making time travel work will involve three manuals, a phone call to customer support, finding you don’t have the right cables and then having to reset the system as it won’t sync with an iTravel remote or some shit. 2012, you better get fixing things.

Fluffy Bears & Pee

FROZEN PLANET

The press seemed to have kicked off today because a little bit of the best television show of recent times, Frozen Planet, was filmed in a German Zoo. The footage of baby polar bears, the likes of which has never been seen before, has pissed off all of about 12 journalists and no one else, because they were tricked into thinking it was filmed in the polar regions and not at die zooe. This is despite it still being amazing footage, despite the risk that cameramen would’ve had to have taken to film it in the wild and despite the fact that this is no way as bad as calling up and deleting the answer phone messages of a murdered girl. Which to be fair, I’d be really really appalled if Attenborough did that as it’d seem waaaaay out of character. I’m just saying that they really shouldn’t criticise the best program on TV for a slight bit of ‘TV magic’ of the very best and educational kind when the press itself is far more responsible for lies. Also, I’d far prefer a few lies about polar bears than about our countries finances systems, people’s personal lives or terrorist attacks. Attenborough is one of the few reasons (sadly) that the BBC is worth keeping anymore, don’t drive him away because he didn’t want to send cameramen into small holes in the Arctic in order to have their faces gnawed off by big bears. Which incidentally, the press would’ve have given him even more shit for.

I’m terrified what will happen when they find out Animal Park was all filmed in a zoo…..

 

FLUFF

My attempt at Christmas shopping this morning, despite romping around the West End for some hours, has resulted in only one small present being bought, as well as some oil pastels I’ve got in an attempt to get onto some arty things over the festive season, and a tub of Marshmallow Fluff that I’ve bought in order to make sure I’m so spazzed out of my mind on diabetic sugar highs I won’t get anything done at all. Or possible make the most trippy, odd artwork pieces ever, based on the glucose spirals I see swirling in front of my eyes once I’ve had a teaspoon full. I shouldn’t go near the stuff but the fact is I have a stupidly vicious sweet tooth and the cloudy white stuff is a bit like eating magic. Nothing should be that fluffy and that tasty all at once. Nothing. Except candy floss, which is another form of my personal kryptonite. I’m fairly sure that both of these evil devices were made by rogue fairies whose entire purpose in life is to make my death day that little bit closer. So far too much of the Fluff has been in eaten in the few hours since being at home. Myself and L have already taken to eating it with a spoon, and then smothering it on a cake. I even dipped my clementine segments into it knowing full well that any vitamins that piece of fruit contained were drowned in candy joy, and now won’t reach my heart or the parts of the body it should as its so globbed down with goo it probably hasn’t made it much past my throat. Hooray for fluff. I fully expect to be found on Christmas eve so tangled up in it that I spend Xmas trapped in a door frame like a fly in a spider’s web. The only noise I make, the ‘fluff fluff’ of my exasperated breath as I try to eat my way out of it, but keep having such high blood sugars I pass out. In an odd way, I think I would be fine about this. Hooray for fluff.

 

PEE-TERMINATION

According to some newspaper articles, Cameron desperately needed the toilet while making his Euro Veto decisions last week, in an attempt to focus his mind. I have heard that this is something Stephen Fry has recommended on QI, but I can’t, for the life of me, think why that would work. When I need to pee, all I can think about is how much my bladder hurts and that I need to pee. To even try and think about the consequences of a fiscal union between EU members would be very beyond me, let alone just thinking about not peeing. 100% of my brain power kicks into ‘survival mode’ whereby I think of the nearest place I can pee, and go pee. I’ve left gigs of my favourite bands, during favourite songs, just to pee, missing that entire track barging through crowds in order for relief, so making diplomatic decisions I could not do. Though judging by Cameron’s decisions I’m not sure he could either. I just hope this doesn’t become a new fad, where all major decisions become flawed by added toilets in planning works, or major water works ideas never finished due to the amount of accidents when mentioning its flowing system. Silly silly idea indeed.

Fire Zombies

I don’t have to do a thing today. I’m trying my best efforts not to leave the house unless absolutely necessary. Necessary means things like ‘if the house was filled with zombies’, ‘if the house was on fire’ or ‘if the house was filled with fire zombies’, so chances are high I’m going nowhere. The weather, accordingly, is looking shit and so there is little guilt to be had about me sitting on our sofa in my onesi watching films and spending far too much time on the Xbox. Yes, after a long hiatus from Xbox action since May, I am now addicted to a computer game again after having purchased Batman: Arkham City. I had temporarily pretended that I no longer had a need for computer games and that somehow, I’d accidentally grown up. Turns out though, its just that I was too poor to get good games and whilst on the one hand I used to think that playing computer games had no viable achievement in the real world, I now feel like every time I turn the console off, the citizens of Gotham are feeling my absence. I know they’re only virtual, but I’m a righteous guy and real or not, they need me to be glued to the TV screen like a penguin with a torchlight (yes I know I keep referencing penguins with torchlights, blame Frozen Planet) to stop them from suffering.

Once again, after having missed blogging yesterday – which in turn means you missed me gushing about the brilliance of DJ Shadow for four paragraphs, which I think would be trying on even the most stoic of readers – here’s a collection of things that have been gently dancing on the Tiernan brain for the past two days:

Christmas Markets – The name of such an event fills my heart with small bouncing baubles of joy. I know baubles don’t bounce, they just smash, unremittingly, on the living room floor in a symbol that says ‘Christmas is dead’ more than anything else. I’ve spent one Xmas in my life with pet kittens. I know how it works. I chose baubles as after hearing that my local area had a Christmas Market yesterday, me and L leapt into action, stomping up the hill expecting free mince pies, mulled wine galore and much festive fun. Instead, the shattered reality of Christmas as an adult showed itself as a series of tables with very bored people sat at them, all trying to sell real tat such as candles and knitted things, in a recession. No one wants these things at the best of times, and even though our area is filled with some wealthy residents, its not what’s needed now. I can’t help but feel if they’d just sold tinned goods and firewood, they’d have made far more of a profit.

Euro Veto – According to popularity polls, Cameron has gone up in opinions as PM after him making us the lone contender in Europe. Newspapers compared him to Churchill, failing to point out that Churchill’s ‘fuck you’ was during a war and towards the destruction of our country and the tirade of a very evil dictator. Cameron’s was to a contingency that has left us with a single market of 60 million rather than a possible market of 500 million. Something I really don’t think is very clever in this constant ‘recession’ we are being told about. Clegg has expressed his disdain and even though I’m not a fan of the turncoat either, I very much hope that the Conservatives decision to Veto the Eurozone treaty will turn the pro-Europe Lib Dems fully against them, losing the Conservatives the majority in parliament and royally screwing them as a party even more. I just pray the UK public don’t keep praising the PM for what I’m fairly sure will reveal itself to be a huge error for years to come, and end up voting the Tories in with a majority next time round, allowing them to get away with destroying this country in a fashion Godzilla would have felt harsh.

Komedia Brighton – I really wish the Komedia Brighton would run courses for other gig promoters in how a gig should be run. I honestly believe that across the UK you will only find a handful of places (the Stand and Get Stuffed in Tring to name but two) that care for the comics so well and run a gig with such efficiency and dedication. Well done them, a bloody joy to play it really is.

Dermot – I like Dermot O’Leary on the Radio. I’m not sure what happens to him once he leaves the BBC Radio studios and heads towards X-Factor but its as though his personality, inquisitive nature and joy for actual music dies, half his brain switches off and he just goes to auto-pilot. Fair play to him for being able to do this, and I like that his Saturday afternoon show proves he is a human being of sorts. I was listening to him yesterday though when something strange happened. He was interviewing James Blake, a man who as of recent times, I have become as geeky about his music as I have DJ Shadow’s and have been known to purchase the Blake’s music the second it arrives on iTunes. I still don’t know how to class his music but unlike Dermot, I wouldn’t have used the word ‘weird’. Yep. After a beautiful live version of ‘Lindesfarne’, Dermot said to Blake ‘that was great and weird’. No. What happened to Dermot? It’s as though someone had accidentally put the X-Factor him on the radio instead and this ignorant and tactless man incapable of being able to vocalise how he feels about a type of very original music from a guest he had invited on appeared and demeaned all of his efforts in seconds. Whatever you may think of James Blake, if he was sitting there, you wouldn’t say his music was weird. At least go for ‘interesting’ which we all know means ‘not for me, but hey ho’, or original which means ‘not for me, but hey ho’. Not weird, which out and out means ‘not for me, and really fucking weird’. Bring back old Dermot who was excited about hearing new and original music. With the demise of Giles Peterson’s radio show on 1, and Mark Lamarr leaving Radio 2, there’s so few DJs that actually give a window to new and interesting musicians who don’t just churn out the same manufactured shit as everyone else. It’s like the whole world is becoming a shambolic Christmas market. So much promise yet only the delivery of bland things no one really wants.

DJ Shadow – was fucking amazing.

Think ‘pon that world. Think ‘pon that.

Mind Numb

I’m sure I’ve complained about this loads in the last few weeks (I never re-read my blogs. True story. You could tell me that last week I wrote about that cyclops that killed my cat and I’d totally believe you), but I am stuck in a massive writer’s block. If Writer’s Block was a place, I’d be in the flat on the 14th floor where the lift is broken, the stairs smell of wee and my only window looks out onto an air vent. My cupboards would only have tinned food in, the TV would be stuck on one of those endless sales channels where people insist they are enjoying selling china ornaments of Jade Goody over and over again, and I’d only have those mini-books on the shelves that people read once when they are on the loo, chuckle maybe twice throughout and then find a place to hide them. That’s how bleak my writing brain is right now. Add that to the fact that I’ve just read three Walking Dead graphic novels in quick succession (volumes 12-14 geek fans) which ended on the most miserable note since Massive Attack put that horrible wave sound for 3 minutes as an extra track on 100th Window (if you haven’t heard it, don’t. It makes my ears want to cry with dull).

I blame a number of things for my inability to make happy quips. A comic needs inspiration from somewhere and lately, I have been surrounded by dull. This article yesterday, by Stuart Jeffries in The Guardian sums it up nicely:

THE NEW BORING

 

As far as I’m concerned, that nails it. Society is really boring right now. I got caught watching some pap for Children in Need on BBC1 last night as organised by Tory Boring King Gary Barlow, and felt glued to the screen even though every second of Jamie Cullum singing with Hugh Laurie felt like it wrenched creativity from my very soul, threw it under a dog and let that dog crap on it. I held on till Guy Garvey and Elbow helped replenish tiny bits of joy, heard Fearne Cotton announce JLS and turned off the TV quicker than a neutrino (yeah! Current reference!), before condemning myself to read about zombies. Ironic really as most people watching that shit resemble zombies far better than any horror creation. Apart from Frozen Planet though, and watching Adventure Time and Louie on my laptop, there is nothing exciting on telly at all. It’s all just bland.

Then why not write about the real world Tiernan? Well I will, and I have been but it strikes me more and more that while when playing fun small non paying clubs around the country during the week people will happily get on board with some chat about the Eurozone crisis and how evil Cameron is, the big payers at the end of the week have audiences of people who want the comedic equivalent of easy listening. Please don’t remind us at the end of a hard week’s work just how shit things are, please just point out things in the world that are obvious and we all know are funny without having to read.

Add to this that its cold, actually cold now, I’m generally happy in life and I just want to hide under my duvet with an X-Box game and zombie books and wait until global warming kills off all the incompetent people in the world so we can have fun again. Sorry. This blog wasn’t meant to end like that. During writing I got a phone call saying my gig for tonight and tomorrow has moved from Watford to Basildon and I honestly felt seconds away from just putting my face through my laptop screen as I think about how many times I might have to talk about ‘vajazzles’ just to get a laugh. This was posted on the Guardian today:

THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE STORE

Bring it. I’m ready now.

Nothing But Mammals

This has just been posted on my Twitter feed:

BBC Dropping Climate Change Episode Abroad To Help Sales

 

Have a read, get angry, generally sigh about the world. This is another notch on the bedpost that I will use to beat up any scavengers with when the Earth resembles Cormac McCarthy’s The Road due to human greed. Maybe people have been like this for hundreds of years? I’m not sure, but lately it seems that every day or so there is something else to make me just wonder what it would be like if I went to live with animals instead. It has been hammered into human consciousness that we are far better than animals on regular occasion throughout our history, and yes, in some areas we totally are. Do animals make computer games? Nope. Can they cure diseases? Nope. Can they make cocktails? Nope. In those areas we, as human beans, totally rock the kasbar. But then you also look at whether animals have ever totally fucked over the entire planet on a day to day basis entirely for their own benefit? Sure those cow farts aren’t helping the ozone any much, but I can’t imagine they know the consequences of dispersing gas and removing feelings of bloatedness, nor can I work out what benefit they gain from doing so. Though I bet it is funny.

I’m sure there are some examples of animals dicking on each other for gain, but its probably just to gain some extra twigs for their nest or an extra banana and while that one monkey/parakeet/crocodile may get a bit trod on, it wouldn’t effect all animal rights ever. I’m just saying. No animal has set up a capitalist system whereby its more important to invest in brand new weapons that will destroy and maim others and the terrain of the landscape just to pocket some extra peanuts, have they? No animal intends to ruin the entire veterinary system so only the most exotic species could get their yearly jabs while more common woodland species die due to not having enough acorns in the bank. Hmm, this analogy is shit, but you get what I mean.

Take the Frozen Planet story. Its David Attenborough’s program. Attenborough cares lots about the planet. We, as an intelligent species should educate the world in what we learn and ways to save ourselves and this planet. But because some global warming sceptics are quite outspoken in the states, the BBC wants to make sure they earn the money from the series and so will scrap the episode that could teach more people to stop ensuring that in 100 years time all our kids will have to go live on Mars. So when, in the development of our species, did it become more of a priority to earn rather than educate? To destroy rather than heal purely for profit? To willingly let others suffer so you can have a moat? To be fair, I really want a moat.

I think they should screen all of Frozen Planet in the States and just let its viewers learn something for once. If they want to challenge the man that is David Attenborough then I think they they very quickly deserve to be fired into the sun. And yes, I know I would choose to harm them rather than heal but I think it would only profit the planet and that, as far as I’m concerned, is ok. Otherwise, as I have learnt from Frozen Planet, I may go choose to live with penguins as they seem far more reasonable as a species. Fact.

Frozen Planet

Man, I love Frozen Planet. Its a testament to both David Attenborough and also to the animals of the Northern and Southern hemispheres that an hour of viewing such antics (arctics?) is far more enjoyable than any other tosh that’s on our screens. Sure you can stick 10 twits in a house and film them for a 10 weeks but will it be as funny as watching penguins steal rocks from other penguins? No. You can hear as many heartache tales from X-Factor idiots as possible but it’ll never pull the heart strings in the same way watching a baby seal nearly get eaten by a polar bear will. Sure Jon Snow will say some great things on C4 news, but is he as good as actual snow? And tons of it? Hell no (snow?)! One day later than everyone else I finally had an hour spare to lay on our sofa and watch the latest instalment of icy joy, and by god it didn’t disappoint. Here are a couple of things that I thought very much ruled the roost:

Narwhals – CAPTAIN WHAT THE FUCK? A whale with a huge unicorn horn? That’s completely batshit crazy town. I sat musing with L as to why they might have such huge singular tusks. Perhaps to break ice with? To skewer underwater kebabs or sea cucumbers? To allow shrimp to pole dance? To pole vault on their own faces underwater? To indulge in huge underwater cheese and pineapple swarees? Attenborough said he didn’t know why and that no one does. I hope we never find out, but I reckon if you were to drink from it you’d be invincible. FACT.

Polar Bear hunts fail 9 times out of 10 – isn’t this the most horribly sad fact in the world? That and seeing the mother bear having fed her cubs for four months without eating a thing herself? I complain when I miss lunch cos I’m too busy. 4 months? No wonder those bears are always so angry when they see people. My dad gets a bit angry when he doesn’t eat by 6pm every night, so those bears must be bloody furious. I can totally see why that student got killed. Though he must now feel like a total dick considering he was the 1 out of 10 that got caught and therefore has been beaten by a baby seal.

Killer whales that only eat fish – what dicks.

Next week there is even more penguin and bear action. I really hope this show never ends. I think if you honestly can’t think of any other reason not to cause global warming then let it at least be so we can have more series of frozen mayhem. Thankyou.